Chapter 27: The Princess' Delusion (Part 2)
Content warning: Kidnapping, abuse, depression, suicide ideation/suicide attempt.
Kiyoshi's vision was black. All he could register was the leather carpet under his body and the steady rumble of a vehicle. The air was stuffy and his breaths were labored.
When the trunk opened, a firm pair of hands hauled him out, the fleeting touch reassuring.
"Ouch," he winced after being shoved to the polished floor inside a room. He heard the door close and a female voice thank them for their work.
She giggled and pushed Kiyoshi's abdomen, so he faced up and meet each other. Narrow violet eyes, short jet-black hair, and a sharp grin.
"I also have a few cards on my sleeve, Ryuugamine-senpai," the girl cooed. "Did you think I would stay silent after being embarrassed in front of the whole school?"
Kiyoshi didn't have the chance to reply, for the girl dug her foot on his guts hard. He gritted his teeth. "Who do you think you are?" She hissed and thrust her foot. "Did you want to win this bad? No matter who you hurt? You haven't changed. I'm glad to have chosen Kidou-kun over you. I don't need a feral dog." She raised her leg. "Now, I'll show you the pain I feel."
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Kiyoshi felt numb. If he had few people to talk with on a daily basis, then he hadn't spoken a word to any of them so far. Sakamoto-sensei spotted him skipping class but Kiyoshi couldn't process his concern, merely staring back blankly. After he left, Kiyoshi wisely abandoned the place to seek another hiding spot when Kensou called out. He was skipping classes too? Why was he acting so friendly now? He made an effort to ignore the boy and continued walking but the third-year kept pestering him. Sumire was given a week of suspension, for now, he said. The school had yet to decide what else to do. Their well-established reputation was a stake or something.
"Don't tell me you feel guilty now?" Kensou scoffed. Kiyoshi halted. "As if you didn't know the chaos you would unleash." He didn't. "What other moves did you have?" Kensou mocked with a careless shrug. "It was the first thing one of you should have done. I don't get why it took this long. As far as I know, Sumire is too stuck-up to something so dirty handed. It only left you." He patted Kiyoshi on the back, sending a shock from the contact. Kiyoshi recoiled and scooted away, hugging himself. Kensou glowered. "Don't make yourself the innocent victim. Being exposed in that manner must have cost her more than you can imagine."
"I. . . " Kiyoshi's voice was hoarse. Kensou gave him the chance to speak, making him feel more guilty than collecting his thoughts. "I wanted to help someone."
Kensou sneered and pointed at Kiyoshi. "In such a vicious way? You despise her. Admit it."
"I don't!" Kiyoshi insisted. "I--Kidou-san. . . Just. . . Love. . ."
"I haven't seen that kind of cruel revenge in a while. No wonder I hate you. Those underhanded tricks are like Kageyama's."
"I'm not him! I was being honest with my feelings! I wanted to help Kidou-san!"
Kensou snorted. "Did you now? Kidou begged you or is that what you wanted to believe?"
"That. . . "
"If you ask me, you used him as an excuse to get rid of her. What you did was something only someone with a grudge could have done."
"I don't! I--" Kiyoshi cupped his neck with both hands. "She. . . just like Arisugawa. . . stole. . ."
The taller boy narrowed his gaze, full of condescending pity and mature wisdom. "Nobody belongs to anyone, Ryuugamine. Not children or foolish lovers. You are deluding yourself. If that's what you dirty people think to make yourselves feel better then I'm glad to be different."
"I'm not dirty!" Kiyoshi protested hotly. "I'm honest with my feelings."
Kensou lifted his eyebrow and crossed his arms. "And that makes you better than everyone else? Don't joke with me. Anyone should get tired of being an object in someone's else eyes. No wonder you are single."
Kiyoshi hanged his head. ". . . Fuck you." It was too faint to be serious, but it wasn't a denial. It only proved he wasn't ready to change. Kensou's words kept swirling in his mind long after he had left.
I did it for you. Kiyoshi turned to the red oni, laying still in its chains. That grotesque thing born from neglect and pain, it only craved love; no matter how shallow or obscene.
I did it for you, he repeated. It's your fault. The monster shifted its head towards Kiyoshi with pupil-less green eyes. It stared back innocently, its monstrous appearance decided by others. Just like a wild animal, it knew it had done nothing wrong because it had no moral compass. Kiyoshi had chosen how to deal with its feelings and how to get what both needed.
It's not your fault. . . I drafted the article while grinning at the thought of getting revenge. But I'm too cowardly to hurt the person I actually hate. He looked down. I have been filling myself with lies. I'm not pure anymore. Maybe for years. Maybe I never was.
I always knew everything was my fault but I didn't want to take responsibility. I was sick of feeling terrible.
"That's why it's better to end it all," he said as he stared down at the river from the bridge. It was pretty, sparkling under the setting sun. Inazuma Town was the place where he wanted to end it for a while. It was peaceful and tender. He felt bad once or twice for tainting it with his body so he crossed his fingers no one would find him.
Kiyoshi heaved himself up. He knew no one would rescue him. Salvation was a thing from the fairytales.
Next thing he knew, the flowing water below had become dark like the town. Maybe he had spent too long sitting and gazing down. Now base looked filthy like him.
"Hey, what are you doing there? It's dangerous." Kiyoshi slowly turned around even when his initial instinct was that it could be someone suspicious. He blinked a few times until he realized a patrolman was staring at him with suspicion.
"Ah. . . "
The man gave a once-over at Kiyoshi's uniform. "Where are your parents? What's your address?"
"I'm sorry," Kiyoshi mumbled, gradually getting off the rail. "I'll be going home."
The local patrol insisted on taking him to the train station. Kiyoshi didn't reply. He knew the way, so he didn't follow the man in case he wanted to take him another place. Maybe the man didn't believe him.
"Don't take detours," the officer cautioned before departing from him at the gate. Kiyoshi safely entered the express train to Setagaya and scanned the wagon. There were few people, mostly white-collar workers, and a few high-school students. Suddenly, he found himself sitting on the dusty floor.
I'm alive.
The night was pitch black, light bulbs feebly pushing the dark away. Kiyoshi feared to stare at any clock and turning on his phone. However, before entering the train here, he had inevitably checked the time table; it must be close to nine p.m then. I hope mom had a late day. I haven't made dinner, ugh.
"Where were you?" Was his overprotective mother's greeting. Shit, shit, shit. She rose from the couch and approached him.
"Ou-out. That's all. Taking air. Really." He gulped as she gazed down on him like a hawk.
"Go to your room." Kiyoshi did as told and ran up the stairs, stealing a glance at his mother's expression. It was the most vulnerable gesture he had seen: head down, frail arms crossed, lop-sided lips filled with worry.
Even if she didn't love him, he couldn't do that to her. He felt like an idiot.
Kiyoshi wished the following day was any better. Or the next. He should have seen the next one coming; the conscientious girl wasn't the type to let evil go free. Punishment was due, and he accepted it with open arms.
The Princess' Delusion (Part 2) | End