Chapter 7: When You Gaze Into The Abyss
After we were forced out from that man's private office, the direct aftermath of the fall into the rabbit hole left us staring at the floor, stunned.
Moments later, I hesitated to approach Yuuto who seemed to be lost in thought. Swallowing the embarrassment, I trudged towards the boy who had chosen that man.
"How much did you know?" Disbelief and defeat were palpable in my tone. My chest swelled with a myriad of emotions I couldn't take apart and my thoughts were frozen. My instincts wordlessly urged to discover the road that escorted us to this point: Ryuugamine-senpai and I became that man's pawns, and the power balance leaned to his side, but all I could see was Yuuto's pubescent figure.
I didn't want to run away from reality this time. Now, I was a living doll.
Yuuto frowned worriedly. "I knew about Ryuugamine's transfer to Kidokawa and investigating Fire Tornado, not about that hissatsu."
"Tornado Legend. . ?" I asked, superficially understanding his words. When I protested against the bomb that man dropped on us, he mentioned the hissatsu we were to find along with the continuation of our previous duty: weekly reports.
"It was used during one of the matches between Kidokawa and Teikoku years ago. Teikoku almost lost." Yuuto gazed at Ryuugamine-senpai's leaving figure as he spoke, his expression stoic. "It's a triple hissatsu: a combination of Fire Tornado, Dark Tornado, and Back Tornado."
My eyes widened. Back Tornado was new to my ears, and when I tried drawing a sketch in my mind, I gasped sharply at the undeniable connection between the other two hissatsus and their current owners. Dark Tornado was the hissatsu that man tasked Yuuto to learn this year. Was it part of that man's plans as well, or a mere coincidence?
A deep silence settled as we contemplated the situation. Yuuto seemed to be pensive, his brain most likely piecing facts together at a speed I would never be capable to compete with.
I sighed after a while, unable to settle on a particular thought. Gently brushing the back of my head with my hand, I spoke in an effort to relieve one of his possible worries:
"If he didn't trust you, he wouldn't be relying on you as the intermediary."
Yuuto knew about the hissatsu but he didn't know of that man's plans to get a hold of it, that man's true goal. His status as that man's confidante wasn't established; a careless mistake or a hint of disloyalty was a critical threat to his personal goals: a soccer career. . . and Haruna-chan.
Yuuto was about to bring his arms to his face as it hopelessly broke in a pained expression. When was about to hug him, his lips tightened, and he seemed to regain his composure.
"Yuuto!" I tried grabbing his hand instead, but it was immediately slapped away like I would have done in his place. I gasped sharply as my chest flinched in pain. The gloom from rejection was all too familiar, yet it hurt the same.
Without meeting my gaze, his face contorted with another emotion. He clenched his teeth and looked away before striding to a quieter place.
When there was enough distance between us, I chased after him to the school entrance.
⚽️⚽️
Naturally, I kept Yuuto in the corner of my eye at all times until we returned to Inazuma Town. Finally relaxing as I was about to close the gate to enter my house, it didn't move.
Staring incredulously behind me, I saw Yuuto's shaky hands on each side of the gate. He spoke reluctantly in an indignant, chocked tone.
I inhaled sharply and staggered back a step, the black gate swinging open by itself. Shame washed over my body, my worries coming true.
"I. . . I. . ." I struggled to think of an acceptable reply. The emotions I hadn't yet come to terms with threatened to tear me to pieces.
"You already had what you wanted when you passed that test. Why did you ask for more?" he asked with a hint of begging, his expression crestfallen.
I breathed deeply as if I had come out of the water. "I wasn't satisfied with what I had," I confessed, tugging the corner of my lips for a wry smile.
Yuuto stared back with a light frown, waiting for me to elaborate.
I smiled demurely. "I told you didn't I? While I still don't believe I can go back, there is something else I can do right now. Someone I can help."
Yuuto's face tensed in an unusual way. Exhaling as if frustrated, he spoke dejectedly, "I don't know anything: why you can't go back, what happened. . ." His face fell. "No one told me a thing."
My racing thoughts stopped. "Huh?" I asked dumbly before lifting my eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
"The conversation as we ate ice cream," he replied, "we were never on the same page."
I blinked repeatedly.
Yuuto sighed. "Why can't you go back to the higher ups in the Sumire Foundation? Why did you choose Kidokawa?" He gritted his teeth.
I took a step back. "That's too far!" I yelped. I assumed Higashi or that man would have told him a few details at the very least.
Yuuto frowned in annoyance as I stated the obvious.
I straightened my posture and stroked my fingers against the back of my hair. "How far?" I asked.
"Since the incident," he replied curtly. "Everything changed since then."
I hummed, repeating the same gesture with my hand. "Four years. That's far." I looked back at him. "Why didn't you ask?"
"It never felt like the right time." He looked away a little as he spoke.
Yuuto was an introverted child; I couldn't blame him.
"You weren't a spectator though," I clarified, looking as far as my eyes could see behind him. "Higashi and I stayed in a guest room in the Kidou manor for a few weeks, and you came to my house often."
Back then, I found it odd for Yuuto to come to my house to do homework together when he had clearly expressed annoyance whenever I popped in his house for the very same reason before the incident.
". . . I didn't know what I was doing," he bashfully admitted.
"I agree," I replied promptly as the shocking and infuriating image of a not so distant past emerged: discovering him completing my homework while I laid on the chair to rest.
I clenched my jaw. My head had begun to throb for thinking critically. Placing my hand against my temple, I stared at Yuuto. Rage crawled from my stomach to my face as it roared. Then, I glared with disdain.
"What you did was the same thing, hm?" I hugged my arms. "Presenting the sketch of Fire Tornado to that man."
Yuuto flinched and stared down guiltily.
"You wanted to know why I went back on my word, right?" I inquired with an indifferent tone. "It's simple."
"It's beneficial for me." My glare sharpened. "Don't get in my way again, Yuuto. I don't want to label you as an enemy." After seeing him bit his lip, I let my arms fall on my sides, turned my body around, and walked away.
"Why didn't anyone tell me anything?!" he screamed hysterically at my back.
I hissed and wiped my body around, my vision distorting to vague hues.
"Isn't it obvious?! It's none of your business! You were the child I was put in charge to help you adjust to this society. Nothing else!"
My answer was no.
⚽️⚽️
Fiercely turning and tossing about on my comfortable bed that night, I was unable to properly settle in a sleeping position for long. My eyelids were heavy; yet, at the faintest noise, a freezing shiver in my chest shook me awake when my consciousness began to walk away.
"This is my punishment instead," I muttered blankly as, like a corpse, gazed at the radiant moonlight that pierced the floor-to-ceiling window. I inhaled and sighed. "I expected Yuuto to slap me for betraying that man like when I called him an outsider. . . But it ended up differently. I still feel guilty."
Profound sleep was a precious thing. It's absence reduced the brain's natural capacity for the formation of memories, focusing, and learning, causing irritability and severe fatigue.
"It's as if my mind is breathing down," I said in the dim room. The sensitive conversation with Yuuto was hazy, traces of pent-up anger were the only concrete hint left. My pale skin felt like it was covered in dirt, and the faintest sound reverberated as if I was a sealed cage. Perhaps I was; the cage that was my mind.
My chest tightened when my ears perked up at a creaking noise. I pushed myself up in a haste.
All I could properly hear was my own restless panting. Hugging my knees, I let out a shaky exhale after glancing around the neat room.
The bed's mattress was among the finest in the country, and the bundle of pillows complimented the comfort along with the soft sheets, guaranteeing a fine sleep as if one was back in the womb.
Everything changed after the horrific incident, Yuuto said. I agreed with that as well.